just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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