I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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