I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
