What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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