You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
