Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think a kid would responsible me up
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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