his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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