its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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