I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
