if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
