SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize