I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
