i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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