well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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