i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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