They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So much rum. So many feels.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
