so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize
