How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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