I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
