I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
