I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
