I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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