shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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