i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm passing your future prison.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
