Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
