Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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