There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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