You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
