she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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