I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
