i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
they're like a gay fantastic four
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize