they need to just BURY HIM!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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