I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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