i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
