Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
