i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
