she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
