Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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