discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
