hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i barfeds in our rink
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Randomize
