The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
