fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
pop tarts are not kleenex
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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