I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
