I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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