That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
