I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
