i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
