I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize