Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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