and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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