i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize