OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
