oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
