I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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