Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
