hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
