how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
