U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
