don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
