I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
