he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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