I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
