Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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