I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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