You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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